.jpg)
The Site Office at Kirriemuir Compressor Station.
.........
Taken early 1977, standing next to me is Bob Railton who was the BGC Senior Surveyor. Bob came from Whitley Bay (a posh Geordie). He later became a Councillor in Forfar
..........
The 'Ball of Kirriemiur' is best described as a Rugby song of about 25 verses that cannot really be fully printed here in the interests of decency. The first 2 verses are not too bad and go as follows and should be sung in dialect:
Four and twenty Virgins came down from Inverness
And when the Ball was over there were four and twenty less
(chorus)
Who'll do it this time
Who'll dae it noo
The wan that did it last time
Cannae dae it noo
(next verse)
The Vicars Daughter, she was there,
Had us all in fits
Swinging off the chandelier
And landing on her tits !
(plus many more of deteriorating quality)
I use the above sample to assure the reader that every verse was true !
Oh my God !! Never within recent history or ever again has such a faithful reproduction of a Bacchanalian Roman Orgy ever been achieved !
Kirriemiur was a sleepy small town about 6 miles west of Forfar with a population (in the 70's) of about 5000. It had 3 claims to fame, it was the birthplace of J.M.Barrie, author of Peter Pan, the fact that the female population outnumbered the men by 3 to 1 and had about 11 pubs within an area not exceeding a square mile
Then one day 300 Construction and Pipeline workers descended on it like a horde of invading Viking Warriors. Kirriemuir was never the same again - There was an instant baby boom and the amount of kids starting primary school in 1981 with Geordie accents was uncanny.
The High Temple of this den of iniquity was the never to be forgotten Ogilvie Arms Hotel whose motto was "We Never Close" - this in an era when Pubs were supposed to shut at 10.30 pm and all day opening was still in the distant future. The High Priest and Priestess of this paradise on Earth were a couple called Bruce & Isabel - Bruce was a little chunky man of about 5'4" tall and Isabel a big lass of 5'10". She had a very pretty face and it was rumoured she had been a model prior to contracting some glandular disorder which resulted in a huge weight increase and complete hair loss, hence she always wore a blond wig. The only crime that could result in being 'barred' from the 'Og' (pronounced 'OAG') was in fact knocking off Isabels wig - It was the only Pub where, if there was any trouble, they locked you in !
I arrived at the Kirrie Site on the 1st Friday of July 1976. later that day I asked Bob Railton (who was in charge) if I could leave early to look for 'digs'. Now, I must have some sort of natural 'homing' instinct to seek out the worst of places (depending on the way you look at that) and my path led me unerringly to the Bar in the Og at 4.45 pm just before opening time. The Barman, named Davy Bulloch from Lanark, was busy cleaning glasses. He, as I discovered, was probably the best Barman in the world and his word was Law ! On one occasion when I was getting particulary out of hand he took my wallet, car keys, passport etc and locked them into the Hotel safe saying that I wasn't to get them back until Monday morning ! After considerable pleading he relented slightly and gave me £20.00 of my money back to 'keep me going'. Now that is what I call a Barman !! (Requiem in Pace ! Davy).
Davy informed me that Bruce wasn't in yet and would I like a Pint while I waited. I went to pay for this but he said that was Ok - on the house. I had nearly finished my Pint when a scruffy lad about the same age as me arrived. This was 'Manny' a complete nutter and as hard as nails - he was interested in the fact that I came from Glasgow and offered me a Pint as well. I felt then it was appropriate to offer them one back but Manny declined saying matter of factly - "Naw ahm ganging tae a Gang Bang, dae ye want tae come ?" - to say I was astonished was an understatement, I'd only been in the place about half an hour ! - The lady in question (whose name I cannot reveal here) was apparently a Sexual Athlete of some note and was said to have left 14 guys exhausted on the floor and left them to go to the Pub saying they were all 'gay boys' !
I declined this dubious invitation more due to the fact that coming from Glasgow I was well aware of the dangers of 'entrapment' and possible mugging in an as yet unknown area. It later transpired that this turned out to be absolutely genuine ! More guys piled into the Bar and further free Pints were offered (strangers were a rarity in the Og apparently) and by 8.pm my legs were starting to give way. Bruce arrived and negotiations started re dig money.
"35 quid a week full board" says Bruce hopefully,
"I'll be here for a while" says I with a poker face
"Ok 25 quid" says Bruce quickly (too quickly I thought)
"Done" says I and handed a chuffed Bruce 2 weeks up front.
It turns out Bruce needed me as much as I needed him - As the Og was a hotel it had Residents Licence which meant that as a Guest I could have further 'guests' after hours - I suddenly had more new 'friends' than I could 'shake a stick at' !
This got out of hand a few months later when the Forfar Police decided enough was enough (the Kirrie Police would not come near the place) and staged a 'raid' at 1 in the morning. I saw Bruce being 'huckled' down a corridor by 2 big 'Polis' with his wee legs dangling in the air. Isabel appeared and prevented any further progress with her considerable bulk and a huge row ensued. I rushed to the Bar and with the aid of some of 'my' brawny shotblasters and welders we went into Kirrie Square and turned the Police car over onto its roof ! (the blue light was well #&!#ed I can tell you).
A Police Sergeant, attempting joviality, came into the bar wringing his hands,
"Hah hah very funny lads, c'mon give us a hand to put it back !"
He was met with a hail of abuse, crisp packets and beer bottles at which he completely 'lost it' and called for re-inforcements. An ugly 'stand off ' followed during which, in the confusion, Bruce managed to escape. After a while the Police retreated to lick their wounds and rescue their Vehicle from the square. Apparently Isabel agreed to 'keep the noise down' and the Band set up in the (large) Gents Toilets - I know - unbelievable !!!
The 2nd part of this saga continues next Post.
No comments:
Post a Comment